Presence Not Perfection
I used to dread public speaking.
I was so afraid of judgment and getting it “right”, that I was paralyzed with fear.
I wish I knew then what I know now:
Connection is made through presence, not perfection.
When I was younger, I was obsessed with hitting every point and nailing every word.
The result: I came across as stilted and robotic. I was physically there, but energetically not present. I was so focused on being flawless that I failed to be human.
I missed the point of speaking altogether.
Over time, I learned to shift my focus.
Now, instead of trying to find the perfect words I focus on embodying a strong energetic presence. In doing so, I offer a compelling message that connects with my audience across all levels: mind, body, spirit, and soul.
The result:
More enjoyment
Less preparation
Deeper connection
Interested to learn more?
Here are techniques I use to come into full energetic presence:
1/ Ground:
To help me feel centered, I ground into the earth. I start by taking deep breaths and imagining the earth's electromagnetic field coming up to meet the soles of my feet. This helps me connect to the earth's energy and feel a sense of stability and safety. By feeling grounded, I can speak with greater confidence and clarity.
2/ Come into full physical presence:
Like many people, I tend to rely too much on my head knowledge, and not enough on my full body wisdom. By taking a deep breath and feeling the inner contours of my body, I can feel the fullness of my heart and the soles of my feet on the ground. This helps me fully embody my being and not just the thoughts in my head.
3/ Feel and send a clear intention:
I think about the key message and how I want my audience to feel. I state this out, feel the emotion fully, and then imagine a beam of light connecting from my heart to theirs. Before a word is ever spoken, I connect with the audience’s energy, just through my intention.
4/ Map to success:
To boost my confidence and come into presence, I use a technique called "Map to Success." I think of a memory where I felt successful and then merge with the positive vibration of that memory. This helps me bring that same energy into the present moment and speak with greater confidence.
These techniques aren't just for public speaking.
They can be applied in various settings:
Pitching an investor
Negotiating a contract
Preparing for a difficult conversation
When we shift our focus from finding the perfect words to embodying energetic presence, we access our full power and connect with others meaningfully.
I’d love to hear from you:
What techniques do you use to come into presence?
9 Principles for a Meaningful Life
Want to shift your focus to what truly matters?
Check out these 9 powerful principles for living a more meaningful life:
Choose presence, not perfection
Prioritize relationships, not transactions
Take action, resist apathy
Cultivate empathy, not judgment
Simplify, don’t complicate
Choose trust, not suspicion
Seek wisdom, not just knowledge
Choose integrity, not convenience
Value substance, over superficiality
I’d love to hear from you:
Which one resonates which you? Which did you need most today?
Addiction to Control
As a society, we’re obsessed with control.
We chase after certainty and strive for all the answers.
What if relaxing into the unknown opens to even greater possibilities?
The truth is: Uncertainty is inevitable.
Life is like a vast ocean, with constantly changing tides.
When we try to control everything, it’s like trying to build a dam in the middle of the ocean.
It's bound to fail.
Here’s what most people forget:
When we chase certainty, we inadvertently constrict our energy.
We restrict the very life force needed to move us through the challenge.
It's like trying to hold a bird with a tight grip - we restrict its natural ability to fly.
Instead, what if we approached life with an open palm, like a butterfly resting on our hand?
By approaching life with openness, we tap into our expansive energy.
We unleash our creativity and intuition, unlocking new solutions we never knew existed.
Remember: Breakthroughs often arise from chaos, but we must be receptive.
Trusting in the Universe doesn't mean sitting back and doing nothing.
Rather, it’s an invitation to take action from intuition and inner alignment.
It means staying open to possibilities, even if it doesn't fit preconceived notions of how things should be.
Relaxing into the unknown may seem daunting, but it’s a skill that can be developed.
Here are three experiments to get you started:
1/ Explore sensory deprivation:
Limit your senses by wearing a blindfold, noise-canceling headphones, or sitting in a floatation tank. This can quiet your mind, and learn to be with the present moment.
2/ Try a new skill or hobby without researching it:
This helps us embrace uncertainty and learn through trial and error.
3/ Practice "not knowing" conversations:
Engage in conversations where you intentionally refrain from taking a position or expressing your opinions. Instead, ask questions and listen without judgment. This helps cultivate curiosity and gain new perspectives.
I’d love to hear your perspective:
What’s your experience with the unknown?
What have you done to relax and learn how to trust?
Cynicism
Do you ever feel disillusioned with the world?
If so, you're not alone.
Even the most resilient can fall prey to cynicism.
In the swirl of overwhelm, it’s tempting to be cynical.
Here’s what most people miss: Cynicism is not benign.
It's an insidious creature that gradually undermines us.
Influencing our well-being, relationships, and ability to drive meaningful change. The stakes are particularly high for leaders wanting to create systemic shifts. Left unchecked, cynicism can hinder progress, sabotaging the very advancement you seek to make.
It's important to have a critical lens but it can be hard to discern when you tipped the scales into cynicism.
Here are some guidelines to get you started:
Healthy skepticism is vital for growth.
It prompts us to seek answers, ask thoughtful questions, and challenge beliefs that no longer serve. Healthy skepticism deepens our understanding of ourselves and our world.
Harmful cynicism takes it a few steps further.
It causes us to lose faith, become jaded, and disengage. Negative thoughts and behavior prevent us from experiencing new opportunities.
How can we discern between skepticism and cynicism?
It starts with our intentions.
Healthy skepticism comes from:
• Growth
• Curiosity
• Seeking truth
Harmful cynicism arises from:
• Fear
• Doubt
• Negativity
By examining our motives, we keep ourselves aligned.
***
Unfortunately, cynicism is everywhere.
And many of us have experienced deep hurt that could justify a cynical worldview. But here's what we forget:
Cynicism perpetuates the cycle of negativity.
When we're cynical, we unintentionally create situations that confirm our negative beliefs. We close off from new experiences, and we miss the possibility for change.
Let’s be clear: This isn't toxic positivity or spiritual bypassing.
Ignoring the world's harsh realities is unhelpful, and pretending everything is rainbows is downright hurtful. But rather than feel defeated, we can choose to focus on what we can do, even in the face of adversity.
So, how can we break the cycle of cynicism?
It starts with awareness.
First, recognize cynicism’s symptoms, it can look like:
1/ Strong distrust of others
2/ Feeling apathetic about the future
3/ Dismissing new perspectives, often without a fair chance
If this is you, it’s ok. Cynicism is often a sign of a hurt heart.
Take time to rest and reset, this can look like:
1/ Limiting harmful exposure to media
2/ Grounding and connecting with nature
3/ Trying new hobbies to broaden your perspective
Living in an uncertain world can feel disheartening.
And cynicism can be a tempting way to cope. But it’s important to be aware that cynicism blinds us - preventing us from seeing the full picture and creating a negative loop that leaves us disillusioned. Rather than succumbing to cynicism, we can choose to approach life with openness and curiosity.
What's your experience with cynicism?
How do you stay open during these times?
Oneness
I came across a story that deepened my relationship with the Universe: The Parable of the Lake and the Great Ocean.
I’d like to share it with you today:
“Once there was a Great Ocean.
All existence was birthed from this Great Ocean, lived off this Great Ocean, and returned back to this Great Ocean. In the beginning, millions of tiny rivers sprung from this Great Ocean. Each river snaked across the land like delicate veins.
But one day, a great drought came. No one saw it coming.
The scorching sun dried up each snaking river that they all turned into lakes. They were no longer connected to the Great Ocean, and felt great loneliness and isolation. As time went by, each lake became more and more depressed, forgetting the Great Ocean.
One day, a shaman came to drink from one of the lakes.
He noticed it was depressed. “Why are you so sad?” he asked.
The lake, despondent and gloomy responded, “Because I am nearly dried up and there is little water left. Time is running out. Soon I will be gone forever.”
The Shaman peered intently at the lake and laughed hysterically.
“Silly lake, don’t you know that you are connected to the Great Ocean? Although you change, you are changeless. Your water evaporates and returns back to the Great Ocean. It is then reborn, repurposed and redistributed.
How can you live or die? You are birthless and deathless.
You are in all things. You *are* all things.”
~
Lesson 1: We’re not just connected to the larger whole, we are the larger whole.
The Great Ocean is the ultimate reality from which all existence is birthed, sustained, and returns. Just as rivers and lakes are not separate from the Great Ocean, we're not separate from the Universe.
But we’re not just connected to it, we're an integral part of it.
Our bodies are made of the same stardust of galaxies. Our consciousness is an expression of the same universal consciousness that pervades everything. Realizing this oneness transcends the illusion of separation.
Lesson 2: Our problems are not just personal, they’re universal.
The lakes became sad and forgot about their connection because they were too focused on their impending disappearance. Similarly, we're often so self absorbed that we forget the larger context. Our problems are not just personal, they're also universal.
Challenges are part of the natural ebb and flow of life, shared by countless other beings. Recognizing this helps us approach challenges with greater perspective, resilience, and empathy.
Lesson 3: Embrace change and transformation.
Change is inevitable. And while it can be difficult, it can also bring new opportunities. Transformation is not an end but a new beginning. When we let go of what no longer serves, we create space for new growth and possibilities.
~
So as you go through life, remember these 3 lessons:
1/ We’re connected to the larger whole, we are the larger whole.
2/ Our problems are not just personal, they’re universal.
3/ Embrace transformation.
Integrating supernatural experiences
So you’ve had a supernatural experience.
Psilocybin, ayahuasca, a religious practice…
How you got there, I don’t care.
What really interests me is:
1/ How are you going to integrate this?
2/ How are you going to apply this to your life?
***
It’s easy to induce experiences.
What’s more interesting?
Taking what you’ve learned and applying it meaningfully to life.
When I work with people who’ve experienced the supernatural, they often tell me they’ve experienced a shift in perspective. Often receiving a renewed sense of purpose, a deeper sense of Oneness.
But very quickly, the moment passes…
It can be challenging to keep that sense of expansiveness.
Unfortunately, many folks turn into “spiritual junkies”. They chase one transcendent experience after another, hoping it will improve their baseline quality of life.
Please don’t do that.
The spiritual path isn’t just about transcendent experiences, it’s about integration.
It’s about growing as a person, experiencing others differently, and relating to the world with fresh eyes.
So how can you integrate these experiences and apply them to your life?
1/ Reflect on the experience:
Sit with your experience and reflect on what you’ve learned.
It's important to do this in a timely manner and capture the essence before it slips away. Record a voice note, journal about it, and seek guidance from a spiritual teacher.
Take time to unpack what happened and decide how you want to live.
2/ Embody the experience:
Start incorporating lessons into your daily life.
If your experience taught you about the importance of authentic relationships, start having open and honest conversations with loved ones. If your experience helped you connect with nature, spend more time hiking. Incorporate physical structures like a talisman or a piece of art to help evoke the essence of the experience.
This is where the true magic happens.
3/ Connect with others:
Seek others who have had similar experiences and connect with them. This can provide a sense of community and support as you integrate your experience into your life. You may also find sharing your experience helps deepen your understanding of it.
4/ Give back:
If your experience has inspired you to make a positive change in the world, find ways to give back. Volunteer, donate to a cause you care about, or simply spread kindness and love in your daily interactions.
***
Remember, integration is a process.
It may not happen overnight, and it may not be easy. But by taking small steps each day to incorporate your experience into your life, you can create a more meaningful and fulfilling life for yourself and those around you.
This is how the world changes.
In the end, the value of transcendent experiences lies not in the experience itself,
But in what we do with it,
And how we do it.
Is this life giving?
Every day, I assess my activities and ask myself two key questions:
1/ Is this giving me life?
2/ Is this taking it away?
As humans, we have an immense capacity to tolerate.
This capacity is key to our survival.
But as humans, we’re here to not just tolerate and survive.
We are creative actors, here to experience life and to thrive.
Many of us confuse tolerations as the “default setting” in life.
We needlessly tolerate BS because of:
• Fear
• Laziness
• Comfort with the status quo
Here’s what we forget:
** Tolerations add up **
They have a cumulative, compounding effect.
They also extremely costly, impacting our:
• Sanity
• Health
• Peace of mind
Here’s what most people miss:
Tolerations impact on our sense of personal integrity.
When we knowingly tolerate behavior out of alignment with our highest good, we feel like we’re betraying ourselves.
Because we are.
We trade our Life Force for momentary comfort.
When we feel depleted, it's a cue to:
• Step back
• Evaluate what we're tolerating
• And start making some changes
***
Ready to begin?
Start here:
1/ Go through a typical day and list out all your activities.
Ask yourself:
• Is this activity, relationship, or situation adding value to my life, filling me with joy and fulfillment?
• Or is it draining my energy and leaving me feeling depleted?
2/ If it’s draining, ask yourself:
“What’s one small but powerful step I can do to shift the energy?”
3/ Start with the smallest tolerations, take action.
Then move on to larger tolerations.
• Frayed wire that only works half the time?
--> Recycle it. Get a new one.
• That neighbor that gabs just a bit too long?
--> Have a kind and honest chat. Establish boundaries.
• That job that is sucking the life out of you?
--> Chat with a financial advisor, start exploring options.
***
Your energetic well-being is paramount to your success.
Act as if your life depends on it.
Because it does.
Familial Expectations
I’m a daughter of East Asian immigrants. My loyalty to my family runs deep.
But if I’m honest, I’ve used them as an excuse to keep myself needlessly small.
And I’m not the only one.
It's easy to fall prey to familial expectations.
We use words like:
Loyalty
Protection
Responsibility
To showcase fierce love in service of relationship.
All of these qualities are admirable. But if we’re honest, they can also be used as excuses.
We use socially acceptable niceties to avoid stepping into the fullest versions of ourselves.
We say things like,
"My family is conservative, so I can't take risks."
"My kids need me, so I can't pursue my passion.”
“My wife’s the breadwinner, so her career takes first dibs.”
While these may be true, let’s be honest about how we use others to avoid the discomfort of growth.
Shrinking to not rock the boat
Being an over-responsible martyr
Hiding behind obligations to avoid bold decisions
Too often, we use the excuse of community to sacrifice our individuality.
Conformity becomes a function of laziness and fear.
The result: We dim our light to fit in.
Here’s what we forget:
Life is a both/and.
Community is a means to support and enhance individual growth.
The strength of a community is based on the unique contributions of each member.
You playing small serves no one. Not even your family.
Here’s where we can grow:
Close relationships are in service of learning life lessons.
They introduce default behaviors designed to grow and shape you.
Decide what patterns, you decide to take forward and what patterns no longer serve.
Ask yourself:
“What am I afraid of”
"What am I avoiding?”
“If my greatest dream came true, what would that mean?”
Let’s be clear:
I’m not advocating for joining the circus or renigging on family responsibility.
And let’s acknowledge for many people, investing in family *is* living your fullest purpose.
What I’m pointing to is a closer examination of where we may have kept ourselves small by using “service to the family” as an excuse.
I love my family.
And while they may not always agree with my life choices,
I know authentic relationships are based on truth, not on fear of disappointment.
As I look to the next generation in my lineage, I get to choose what familial patterns I want to carry forward.
May these choices be wise and in service of expansion.
Perspective matters
When the sh*t hits the fan,
Here’s a question that can change your life:
“What’s happening *for* me?”
When everything feels like it’s falling apart, it can be easy to narrow and contract.
Here’s the truth:
There is always a silver lining to every storm, even in the most challenging circumstance.
Here’s where most people fall short:
They get caught in the swirl of victimhood.
They believe they are at the mercy of the world.
But here’s the deal:
This perspective robs us of the richness of the experience.
It clouds us from the lessons we are here to learn,
And it prevents us from receiving the best the experience has to offer.
By asking the question, “What is happening for me?”,
We open to a new way of thinking and signal a willingness to a new way of being.
When life gets tough, it’s often an invitation to make some changes.
These experiences are in service to your growth and evolution,
They’re designed to align you with your inner truth and highest purpose.
They’re an opportunity to reevaluate and make changes that can lead to deeper fulfillment.
By asking “What’s happening for me?” - we reframe our perspective.
How you choose to see the world is entirely up to you.
If you are willing to see things differently, you experience life differently.
It begins with a mindset: Shifting from victimhood to empowerment.
Perspective matters.
Thoughts become Things
The refrain was simple, yet persistent: “I hate myself.”
Every time I said something silly:
“I hate myself.”
Every time I sent an email with a typo:
“I hate myself.”
I soon found myself on autopilot, unconsciously inflicting self-harm, even for the most minor circumstance.
At the time, I believed my internal dialogue didn’t matter because I was achieving so-called “great” things in the world.
But here’s what I didn’t realize:
1/ Thoughts become things:
We are powerful creators.
Our thoughts, feelings, and perceptions manifest our reality. Despite my fancy job and Instagram-worthy travels, my self-hatred eventually caught up to me. My negative thoughts manifested a reality where I couldn't feel or receive love. Over time, my self-sabotaging thoughts and behaviors took their toll.
As Ghandi shared, “Your beliefs become your thoughts, your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, your actions become your habits, your habits become your values, your values become your destiny.”
2/ My consciousness impacts the corporate consciousness
I thought my internal dialogue was private, something that only affected me.
As long as I was performing at a high level, I assumed my inner world had no impact on the people around me.
Here’s what I didn’t understand: I am constantly transmitting my frequency.
Every thought, every feeling, and every perception carries its own vibration and impacts the people and the world around me. I naturally emit the energy of how I feel about myself and my life.
My internal dialogue is not just a personal matter; it's a collective one.
As a leader, your impact goes beyond the actions you take.
Your impact is directly correlated to how you feel about yourself. Your energy, or "vibration," can either bolster or hinder the positive work you're doing in the world. When you take responsibility for your own energy, you're able to show up powerfully and more effectively.
How do you start?
Begin with self-love.
This is not lip service. By caring for your own emotional and mental well-being, you profoundly impact the world. Prioritizing your inner work creates a ripple effect of love in your community and beyond.
Stop and pause the next time you’re caught in a negative thought pattern.
Use a tool, like Byron Katie’s “4 Questions”, and ask yourself:
1/ Is it true?
2/ Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
3/ How do you react when you believe that thought?
4/ Who would you be without the thought?
By engaging in this simple act, we begin to truly change the world.
Who are you listening to?
As a leader, who are you listening to?
What noise are you allowing to guide your decisions?
For Rick Rubin, the answer is removing distractions and attuning to beauty.
His singular focus: Revealing the purity of the project within.
Rick Rubin is widely regarded as one of the most influential music producers of all time. Over his 40-year career, he's produced over 220 albums and has worked with artists like Adele, Johnny Cash, and Jay-Z.
Over his illustrious career, he has been nominated for 18 Grammys and won nine.
Here’s the kicker: He’s never attended an awards event.
Why? Distraction.
For Rubin, awards like the Grammy distract from the purity of the process. They emphasize what the rest of the world thinks, versus attuning to Source and sharing the most essential and inspired vibrations.
Here’s a recent excerpt from an interview with Anderson Cooper:
RR: “The audience comes last.”
AC: “How can that be?”
RR: “Well the audience doesn’t know what they want. The audience only knows what’s come before.”
AC: “Isn’t the whole music business built around trying to figure out what somebody likes?”
RR: “Maybe for somebody else that is, but it’s not for me.”
The next time you are making a critical life choice, stop and tune in.
Who are you allowing to influence your decision?
What are you using to inform the quality of your life - your greatest creative act?
If it’s too externally focused, perhaps it’s time to reassess who is informing your choices.
Spirituality in the workplace
One of the biggest myths about spirituality:
“I can’t be spiritual and professional at work”.
This perspective is riddled with assumptions, here’s why:
People fear being spiritual to work because they assume they’ll have to proselytize. They think being spiritual will harm their credibility and reputation.
They falsely believe:
“Spirituality is for the weekends”
“Spirituality will make me lose my edge”
“It’s unprofessional to show up as spiritual”
So they segment their spiritual selves and leave this critical part of their being at the door. This segmentation is self-harm and also incredibly limiting - preventing leaders from accessing divine wisdom and experiencing true professional fulfillment.
Let’s break down these misconceptions:
1/ “Spirituality is for the weekends”
Spirituality isn’t escapism or a retreat from daily challenges. It’s an approach to life, a means of engaging the world in a deeper, more meaningful way. Spirituality draws us into a profound sense of awareness, it’s a lens to experience sacredness in everything we do.
Have you ever wondered why corporate feels so flat and one-dimensional? It’s because we’ve removed all sense of wonder and aliveness from our work. By inviting spirituality into our professional lives, we become fully present in our activities and available to the richness within our experiences.
2/ “Spirituality will make me lose my edge.”
Integrating spirituality doesn’t make you ineffective or unambitious. Rather, spirituality is a journey of self-mastery - a pursuit of excellence, an exploration of living your fullest potential and doing so in a healthy way.
Combining spirituality with rational thinking enhances well-being and decision-making. Science increasingly confirms the benefits of spiritual practices on the brain and overall health. These practices help leaders filter noise, focus on what’s truly important, and encounter challenges with openness, precision, and flow.
3/ “It’s unprofessional to show up as spiritual”
Today’s spiritual leaders aren’t living in seclusion, they’re active members of society, holding senior leadership positions across industries. Successful leaders like Mark Benioff, Jeff Weiner, Phil Jackson, and Rick Rubin publicly attribute their success to solid spiritual foundations.
Note, these leaders aren’t proselytizing.
They’re not convincing people of their beliefs - but they’re not hiding it either. The best way to lead spiritually is to embody your full spiritual power with humility and groundedness. You create a tremendous impact simply through your being and your intention.
When people inquire, these leaders aren’t shy about discussing Spirituality in their lives.
You shouldn’t be either.
The next time you think of spirituality at work, widen your lens.
Spiritual leaders come in all shapes and sizes.
You could be one of them.
Anger is just energy
Many of my clients long for spiritual intimacy; but often, their repressed anger holds them back.
I tell them all the same thing:
Anger is simply energy.
Emotions are energy in motion. And anger, is simply a call to action, an invitation to listen and understand our inner selves. By embracing anger, we tap into emotion to help drive change.
People often want a strong spiritual connection, but frequently get stuck when things go “badly” - harboring resentment towards the Divine or their life experiences. They suppress their anger because they assume spirituality is always living in a state of bliss.
But here’s what people miss:
Spirituality is about being authentic in our relationship with the Divine.
It’s not about ignoring our emotions, but being honest.
The truth is, repressed emotion creates a false distance from the Divine. Embracing the full range of emotions invites intimacy with our whole human experience. And in turn, it creates space for healing and a deeper connection.
Ready to embrace the full range of human emotion?
Start here:
Write a raw and unfiltered letter to Spirit. Pour out all your anger, frustration, and pain. If you need to, let your body express your emotions - throw those balled-up socks at the wall, stomp your feet, and move the energy.
Once you've expressed everything. Pause.
Now write a letter from Spirit back to you.
What would Spirit say? How would Spirit respond to your pain?
By being brave enough to be with and express our emotions, we cultivate a deep and authentic connection with the Divine.
This connection paves the way for healing and growth. This is true spirituality.
Leading from love
Leading from “awakened consciousness” sounds like fluff.
Here’s what it really means:
Leading from Love, in every situation.
As leaders, our highest contribution is to respond to every person and everything, from a stance of loving, objective neutrality.
From this heightened awareness, we can then make powerful, intentional choices to shift systems at a fundamental level. Creating truly lasting, positive, transformative change.
Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King understood this.
Through the strategy of Love, he actively shifted systems of injustice and oppression.
There’s a famous photo that illustrates this powerfully.
MLK was in Chicago, leading a housing march when hecklers threw a rock, striking him in the head. The photo captures King, down on one knee - dazed, disoriented, struggling to regain balance.
This photo illustrates a powerful choice we all face - the choice to react from old patterns of anger and self-protection or to respond from a heightened consciousness of Love.
The majority of people get swept up in the moment, unaware that choice is even possible.
But for the awakened and curious, we can choose to respond from loving, objective neutrality.
Here’s what we can learn from MLK:
Choose to respond, not to react: To respond is to move with conscious intentionality, to be aware of our emotions but not overcome by the swirl. This is different from reacting, making knee-jerk, unconscious choices “without thinking”. After MLK was struck, he took a moment to gather himself and reset.
Love: It’s easy to stand for “love and light” when life is good. The real test is when we’re faced with high-stakes situations, or when our survival is threatened. Love empowers us to separate the action from the person, we choose to love the person while condemning the act.
Objective neutrality: In challenging circumstances, it’s easy to get swept up in emotion. As awakened leaders, it’s our responsibility to ground and come back to center. In doing so, we have the perspective to truly see the situation with nuance and clarity. We can feel the emotion of the moment, and not be subject to it.
Not everyone will face such extreme circumstances. But each of us encounters situations every day, that test our patience and knock us off balance.
When we have such encounters, it’s important to respond from a place of groundedness and love.
Mid-life awakening
Going through a mid-life crisis? It could be a spiritual awakening.
Stop wasting time numbing out.
You could make this the most transformational period of your life - here’s how.
When we reach mid-life, we become bored with the world.
We rebel.
We attempt to reclaim youth.
We react by injecting botox and buying flashy cars.
Yet the restlessness continues.
For some, the answer always seems to be to drown out and buy more.
But for the curious, there’s another option.
What if your discomfort was nudging you to grow?
What if your agitation was in service of your Awakening
As humans, we are born Perfect, Complete, and Whole.
We naturally express our truth and our light.
But over time, we learn to conform to convention.
We get good marks.
We say the right things.
We show up safe and mold to society’s standards.
We do this because we want to belong and we want to feel safe.
But the cost is high:
We suppress our light.
We hide our wild creativity.
We trade our sauciness for security.
This is all fine and good until it’s not.
When we hit mid-life, we hit our limit.
We can no longer live out of integrity with our truth.
And we know something needs to shift.
But we don’t know how or we’re unwilling to try.
The universe prompts us to grow through trigger events.
These can look like:
Getting laid off
A messy divorce
A tragic accident
These events can feel shattering.
They’re structured to shake us out of our stupor.
When we go through emotionally intense events, we crack open. Through our vulnerability, we can choose to invite in Light, and align with our Truest Self. This is our deepest nature, our divinity.
This is the pathway of transformation.
To be who you are, you must first let go of who you think you are.
It’s rarely pretty, but it can be profoundly beautiful.
The next time you feel stuck, know you are at choice.
A mid-life crisis can be a powerful opportunity for spiritual growth. Instead of numbing ourselves, we can choose to embrace the discomfort as a catalyst for change.
What will you choose?
Wonder
The single most underrated leadership skill: Wonder.
Wonder is Approaching the world with curiosity and openness.
Here’s how wonder can give leader’s an edge:
Leadership is more than delegating tasks and making decisions.
It’s about:
- Inspiring others
- Creating a vision
- Shaping society towards its highest potential.
The fundamental skill needed to achieve this: Wonder.
Wonder is a posture of openness.
An orientation towards awe and the unknown. Leaders with a sense of wonder, are more likely to be innovative and adaptive to change. Their fresh perspective offers possibilities where others perceive roadblocks. When we connect with mystery, we’re able to transcend the limitations of this reality.
Unfortunately, society has a bias against Wonder, here’s why:
Control: Wonder inherently invites magic and potentiality, and we fear what we do not know. Our addiction to certainty prevents us from true exploration, and we shame others and others for embracing wonder as a sign of weakness or immaturity.
Efficiency: We’re a busy society, focused narrowly on goals. We rush through life, and in turn, collapse our world through a reductive lens. By prioritizing speed, we live superficially and fail to experience the world with depth and nuance.
Cynicism: When we genuinely marvel, we open our hearts to be transformed. This intimacy can be vulnerable. For some, cynicism is used as a defensive posture.
So why is Wonder so important for our world?
Renewal and expansion: Life can feel exhausting. And engaging in practices of awe and wonder fill our batteries, expanding our experience of time, and enhancing our well-being.
Focus and perspective: Humans tend to catastrophize and take ourselves too seriously. Wonder widens our aperture of life, putting things into perspective so we can begin to source creative solutions. When I lived in Switzerland, one of my favorite activities was climbing the Alps. When you’re up 4000 meters, peering out into the vast majesty, suddenly life’s problems don’t seem that big anymore.
Power and connectivity: When we engage in wonder, we open to Source energy. And we gently attune to the life force in others and ourselves. You know that marvelous feeling when an infant's hand wraps around your finger? That’s your soul connecting intimately with another, recognizing the Divine in another being. As practice Wonder, we recognize this connectivity exists all around us.
Interested in sharpening your skill of Wonder? Here’s a practice to get you started:
Engage in an “Awe Walk”: Take 20 minutes, put down your phone and go outside. Intentionally marvel at the world around you. Our world is sizzling with delight. You’ll likely feel calmer, more focused, and more energized.
Want more energy and focus? 3 ways to reduce friction (so you tolerate less, and accomplish more)
Stop tolerating. Start living.
We put up with way too much nonsense in our lives.
We unnecessarily endure, even when we’re deeply discontent.
Tolerations can look like:
The funder’s compliment that was really a micro aggression
The partner who isn’t present and attentive to your needs
The colleague that asks for favors but rarely reciprocates
We tolerate because:
It’s faster to do it myself
It’s easier to put up with it
I don’t want to make a big deal
While these short cuts can offer temporary ease, efficiency, and social lubrication, there’s a hidden cost to their use.
Our tolerances cost us our Energy.
We think:
I just need to get this done
It’s not that bad
They didn’t really mean it
Here’s what we don’t realize:
We avoid the inevitable.
We tolerate, as a tactic to delay courageous action. We tolerate crappy behavior, because we’re avoiding awkward conversations. We tolerate toxic partnerships, because we’re afraid to be single.
Toleration is a subpar tactic, not a long term strategy.
2. We compromise our integrity.
When we unnecessarily tolerate, we compromise our core values and erode our respect for self. When we dishonor ourselves, we fall out of alignment with our integrity.
Personal integrity - how we align our mind, body, spirit - is integral to achieving powerful impact in the world. When we are personally compromised, we invariably lose sight of our North Star, ultimately compromising our projects, teams, and organizations.
3. Tolerations leak and disburse our energy
The act of creation requires intense concentration. As an entrepreneurial leader, you are literally using your life force to focus energetic particles into matter, birthing the invisible into the visible.
When you tolerate, you disburse your energy; putting a lamp shade over your personal laser beam.
If you want more energy, efficiency and focus, here’s what you can do about it:
Toleration brain dump
Create a list of everything you are tolerating. Include everything.
Your neighbor’s barking dog
The plug that works 65% of the time
Unsatisfactory sex
By listing your tolerations you can begin to see the quantity and range of what’s stealing your energy. This act is cathartic and gives you an opportunity to assess with perspective and objectivity.
2. Pick three items to action.
Focus is key here. By narrowing focus, you begin to reclaim your energy with real traction.
3. Ask yourself, “By tolerating X, how has this served me?”
Time to get real, you’ve tolerated for a reason.
Are you afraid of being alone?
Are you afraid it will cost you funding?
Are you worried about your reputation?
Oftentimes, we avoid uncomfortable situations, because we want to protect ourselves.
By understanding the root of behavior, we can attend to our emotions with compassion and care. The point is not to grit our teeth and muscle through; rather, to offer tenderness to the parts of ourselves that are afraid, while stepping forward with open hearted courage.
4. Ask yourself, “What do I really want?”
This is key. By being honest with our desires, we begin to manifest what we want in the world. This is how our intentions come into reality.
5. Commit to one small but powerful action.
Change takes time. Some annoyances can be solved with a swift click of a button. Other tolerations might take a while. That’s ok.
Start with small but mighty actions. Focus on things that require minimal effort but have a high pay off. Don’t be afraid to delegate or call in help. You’re not here to do it alone.
Unsatisfactory sex? Hire an intimacy coach.
Poor sleep? No phones in the bedroom.
The point is to start small and begin. From here you can begin to shift the energetic momentum, ultimately creating a generative flywheel that uplifts and restores you.
Our tolerations are actually signs inviting us to pause and reevaluate how we’re allocating our energy. When we listen with awareness, we invite greater ease, flow, and alignment into our lives.
3 Lessons for transcending pain
Pain invites us to transform.
Your discomfort is a signal for growth. As humans, we are here to stretch, learn, and evolve. Pain is the impetus moving us towards our highest expression. When we understand pain and its role in our lives, we can begin to gain deep wisdom that moves towards our highest purpose.
Pain is our great teacher.
How do I know?
In 2015, I was involved in a traumatic car accident.
I was in Johannesburg, walking across a major intersection, when a car lost control and flew towards me. I wasn’t physically hurt, but the incident was terrifying and rocked my sense of safety. I was suddenly afraid of the world. Within weeks, I left my job, ended a relationship, and repatriated to the States.
I felt shattered.
For months, I oscillated between avoidance and victimhood. I ghosted my friends, spiraled into shame, and watched way too many reruns. I thought my life was over; but truly, it had just begun.
Here’s what I’ve learned about pain:
Pain is clarifying
Pain awakens our senses and shakes us from our stupor. With this fresh perspective, we can look at our lives with honest, naked clarity and make an authentic decision on who we want to be and how we want to show up.
Pre-accident, my life was pretty good. But if I’m honest, I was really bored. I wasn’t serving with passion, and while no one could tell the difference, I felt out of integrity with myself. The accident forced me to look at my core values, what I really enjoyed in life, and it opened a door to a new career more aligned with my natural gifts.
Pain asks us, “What do you want? What do you really want?
This simple question comes to us all. And you get to choose what routines, beliefs, and behaviors serve who you truly are and where you want to go.
2. Pain accelerates spiritual transformation.
With pain, there is no facade.
Pain is blunt, straight forward, and unabashed. Any artificial parts of who we are, naturally drop away. This massive release of false ego can feel incredibly vulnerable, especially when we don’t know who we’re yet to become. But it is exactly this falling away that supercharges us toward our divine identity.
After my accident, I was broken. I had overidentified with titles, affiliations, and relationships; thinking my worthiness was contingent upon my business card. By releasing false notions of who I wasn’t, I could finally come home to who I truly was: an eternal spiritual being.
As Rumi offers, “The wound is where the light enters”.
3. Your deepest wound can be your greatest gift.
Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional.
When we transform pain, we can transcend our experience to serve others in our world.
From my personal story, I am deeply familiar with anxiety and trauma. But it is from my pain that I can offer my gift to the world. I've noticed that as I've sat with my wound, I have increased capacity to be with others in very dark places. I no longer fear Fear, in myself or in others.
Let me be clear, my work is not done. I have yet to explore deep crevices in my being. And yet, it is from the wisdom of pain that I am able to hold space for others in loving, compassionate, neutrality.
This is my hope for you: for your trauma to be your healing.
4 ways empaths create healthy boundaries at work
Are you an empath?
Do you feel like you're constantly hiding from the world?
It doesn’t need to be that way.
It’s true, we’re an overstimulated society. And amplified environments, like the workplace, can be a nightmare for highly sensitive people. Between meetings, email notifications and random calls from your boss, the idea of returning to work physically can feel overwhelming. And for empaths in particular, people with heightened intuition and the ability to feel other people’s emotions, highly charged energetic environments can feel particularly daunting.
Emotional overwhelm can be a signal for energetic sensitivity
When I worked at the World Economic Forum, I was given big responsibilities and surrounded by even bigger personalities. I could feel people’s presence before entering rooms, and was often distracted by the emotional exchange beneath spoken conversation. The sheer quantity of information was overwhelming, and too often I felt disempowered, a victim of circumstance. I now realize it didn't have to be that way.
Being an empath is one of your greatest strengths
As I’ve journeyed on my path, what once felt like a burden is now my superpower. I now know being an empath is a gift. I have the ability to intuit people’s needs, and can attend to issues at the root cause. I have unique visibility on individual and communal dynamics, and can anticipate what is to come. Now, as an executive coach and Akashic Records consultant, I teach people how to celebrate their abilities so they can leverage their gifts for success at work and home.
Here’s how you can begin to own your empathic abilities:
Stand in your power
Empaths have exquisite insight into the human experience and can feel the emotional landscape of individuals and communities. But just because you can feel other people’s emotions, doesn’t mean you need to take it on. When empaths stand in their personal power and ground in their own energy, they can observe communal dynamics from a place of peace and objective neutrality. From groundedness, empaths can offer compassion, insight and healing in challenging circumstances, while honoring their energetic boundaries.
I enjoy this prayer by Dr. Susan Schumsky, which helps me center and ground into my being:
I am in control
I am one with God
I am the only authority in my life.
I close off my aura and body of light to lower levels of mind
And now open to the Spiritual world.
Thank you God and so it is.
2. Release energy that is not yours
Contrary to popular belief, empaths are not “energetic sponges”. When you ground into your power, nothing can enter your energetic field without your permission. On occasion, when we do pick up other people’s energy, we can choose to release it. And when we do, akin to deleting apps from your phone, you free up space in your “operating system” so you can move with greater ease.
Often, when I guide clients to release energy, they’ll often experience physical relief as well; it’s not uncommon to breathe easier, release pain, or have an increased range of motion. The connection between energy and its impact on the mind and body is real, and should not be underestimated.
To release energy, this gentle visualization will help:
In your mind’s eye, imagine a particular person or community. Now gently scan your body, and notice any points of density or heaviness. This may present as a color, shape, or tenseness in your body. Notice it, describe it, and ask if it needs to be there. If the answer is no, direct it to go away, and gently imagine it separating from your body and releasing upwards.
3. Put up protections
It’s natural to form energetic connections with people. And as the maxim, “tugging at my heartstrings'' suggests, there are ways these connections can be unnecessarily draining. It’s good daily hygiene to protect your energetic boundaries; akin to brushing your teeth, protections can help prevent the energetic equivalent of a root canal.
Next time you’re about to enter a busy environment or an especially tense meeting, take a few moments and try this: Slow down and take three deep breaths. Now, ground into your energy, you can recite the prayer above or simply notice the interior contours of your body. Once you feel settled, imagine yourself surrounded by a protective glass wall. With this protection, you are free to interact with others but any unwanted energy simply drops away.
4. Slow down
I love Viktor Frankl’s insight, “Between stimulus and response lies a space. In that space lie our freedom and power to choose a response. In our response lies our growth and our happiness.” We all have free will, and we have the ability to notice and choose how we want to be with other people’s energy and emotion.
When you notice yourself in a tense moment, this is your cue to slow down. From here, you can choose to ground into presence and come back into your energy field. Simple exercises like noticing breath or describing a nearby object, helps us shift our consciousness awareness from victim to neutral observer. When we ground into presence, we can fully participate in the moment and choose to engage from our highest self.
As humans, emotions are one of our most powerful tools. They help us discern when we are connected to Source, and help us engage more deeply in community. Too often, we judge ourselves and each other for our emotional sensitivities. However, it is our sensitivities that give color, freshness, and aliveness to our human experience. When we move into curiosity, we can begin to leverage the wisdom of our emotional body and have the ability to see and act with clarity and intention.
If you’d like to learn more about conscious leadership read my article on Woo in the Workplace and how Intuitives are the Leaders of our World.
Healed visionary leadership
There’s the old adage that hurt people, hurt people. Whether conscious or subconscious, personal pain can manifest in obstructive ways and cause a ripple effect onto other people’s lives. It is also true that healed people, heal people. And healing is a fundamental component of leadership. Healing includes qualities of self reflection, honesty, self nurturing, and communication. All these qualities aid and equip solid, grounded, visionary leadership.
There’s the old adage that hurt people, hurt people. Whether conscious or subconscious, personal pain can manifest in obstructive ways and cause a ripple effect onto other people’s lives.
It is also true that healed people, heal people. And healing is a fundamental component of leadership. Healing includes qualities of self reflection, honesty, self nurturing, and communication. All these qualities aid and equipt solid, grounded, visionary leadership.
Leaders cannot do for others what they cannot do for themselves. And for leaders who are conscious with their light switched “on”, they in turn make others feel more comfortable shining their light too.
So, how do we bridge the gap between being stuck in hurt and being on our healing journey? There are four key phases:
Understand where your pain comes from
Become conscious of how your pain manifests
Reframe your perspective of pain
Accept that healing is a lifelong practice
1) Understand where pain comes from
Our lived experience
We all have different levels of trauma in our lives, as Peter Levine describes we all have, “frozen residue of energy that has not been resolved and discharged; this residue remains trapped in the nervous system where it can wreak havoc on our bodies and our spirits”. This trauma is individual as well as collective. It is acquired as part of our human journey and inherited as we come into this world. To heal is to first acknowledge that we have core wounding that informs how we live our lives.
Wounding is part of the human process and it shows up in how we lead, work and live. No matter how seemingly big or small a traumatic event may be, our perception of the experience through our younger self’s eyes can impact our belief systems, consciously or subconsciously.
It’s our belief systems that cause our pain. It’s our belief systems that get triggered. And it’s our belief systems that we must take a closer look at when understanding where our pain comes from.
Collective trauma
Resmaa Menakem, author of "My Grandmother's Hands", argues that trauma is deeply embedded in all of our bodies, and references how racism will continue until Americans learn to heal the generational anguish of white supremacy. We often disassociate personal healing with collective healing. This is a perfect example of how trauma is embedded into our personal and collective bodies. Trauma is more than the experiences we have faced as an individual, trauma can be felt as a collective from generations before us. Until we heal personally, we continue to recreate old patterns.
2) Become conscious of how your pain manifests
Personal experience fuels, colors, and propels activist work. But passion that is fueled by pain is hazardous - at best you will hit a wall and at worst unintentionally create more harm in the system.
Pain and hurt can be a powerful impetus to focus and create change. But here’s the truth, when we create from past pain, we inadvertently perpetuate pain throughout the system. When we experience trauma we fragment and freeze in the past. Left unattended, leaders can unintentionally create further fragmentation in the system, perpetuating the past into the future. This is how leaders inadvertently imprint their individual pain on the collective whole, causing unintended harm.
Earlier this month, I facilitated a session at a global gathering of human rights activists. During one of the sessions, an activist shared how she had been persecuted by her government, and loudly proclaimed, “I have two choices, either let them make me miserable or I make their life miserable. I choose the latter.” I shook my head.
This binary, zero sum, perspective is what perpetuates pain through the system. Pain begets pain. Every moment of pain - big or small is an invitation for personal and collective transformation, if we allow it.
When we attend to trauma, and move past victimhood, we allow ourselves to see the bigger picture - trauma impacts both the oppressed as well as the oppressor. When we acknowledge the wounding of all we can move towards true reconciliation and recompense. This is most notably demonstrated through the Truth and Reconciliation Commission of South Africa (TRC), a process of healing that uncovering truths of human rights violations during apartheid. TRC gathered evidence from both victims and perpetrators and did not prosecute individuals for past crimes. In doing so, it acknowledged pain on all sides and enabled collective healing for both the oppressed and oppressor.
3) Reframe your perspective of pain
Grief and trauma are an invitation for soul transformation. Trauma has the possibility to accelerate us along our path to discover and live into our highest and truest expression. As Viktor Frankl notes, “what is to give light must endure burning”.
What if instead of denying and shaming our pain, we viewed it as a gateway to our growth?
Could the pain and trauma be a powerful invitation to uplevel our consciousness so we feel more aligned to our higher self?
Of course, in the thick of it, we often can’t see the higher perspective, and that’s okay.
It is equally important to feel the depth of your emotions through each stage of your pain so you can authentically transition into the next stage of healing. Anger is an important and valuable emotion; in itself, it is not bad, it is important information. However, we get to choose whether we allow our anger to stew as unattended garbage, or convert it into compost to grow a new beginning.
The new way of leading calls for us to be human and real. Gone are days where we as leaders have to keep it all together in front of our colleagues, friends and family. Authenticity and vulnerability is what makes us human. These soft skills are what builds deeper connection, and in turn, makes us better leaders.
From here, we create from our integrated selves and are empowered into freedom. When we integrate our past into our present. And acknowledge, not deny, our trauma into our current selves, we create from wholeness and in turn create holistic solutions that attend to society’s collective mind, body, spirit, soul. As Otto Schramer shares, we allow ourselves to birth from presence, enabling a pathway for creative solutions. This is part of operating from a higher level of consciousness.
4) Accept that healing is a lifelong practice
As linear, binary thinkers, we tend to think of healing as something to do before we can lead, or something to be done completely on the side so we can get to the business of attending to our purpose. This is far from true. As Thomas Hübl, author and spiritual teacher shares, healing is not separate and a part of our purpose; we are here to heal, healing is central to our purpose.
Healing is continuous practice that we must have acceptance for. Our only responsibility as heart-led conscious leaders is to become clear on our wounds and understand where our blindspots are so we can address them. If you would like additional guidance during your healing journey, then I encourage you to book a free consultation with me so I can offer my support.
Right now, there’s an incredible need for our healing approach to be focused on all levels of the systems we see; individual and collective. We need visionary leaders who are taking radical responsibility to step up, own their healing journey, and play a bigger role in our world.